A let me know that she has a hard time talking about her problems and wanted to keep this to herself, but I encouraged her to share if she was comfortable. I'm not justifying it and I think if it goes on too long it will be extremely detrimental to the relationship, but I'm trying to explain how it feels to be wanted in so many different ways (physical, emotional, sexual, practical) by different people. This past Sunday, though, A seemed off and far less cheery than she usually is. From that point on, I resolved to focus solely on my personal growth and development. But then, in early November 2020, I met someone who I will henceforth refer to as A. and i wouldn’t mind this person being my girlfriend, but i don’t want to be exclusive. Hi all, thanks in advance for any advice. I’ve shut a lot of men dwn by clearly letting them know I’m not interested or no longer interested n c n them. You should have it on your dating profile. I’m just not good at relationships, it’s easier to be alone anyways. Eventually, I asked her if she was okay, and A admitted that "something had happened" and that she wouldn't be able to talk to me for a while, but that she would try and explain things when she could. Read along as these guys … I fail to see how you want your romantic relationships to look ever not being relevant to someone you’re starting a romantic relationship with. Talking to her has been refreshingly great, especially since we both have awful dating histories. If you hear a girl saying she "isn't ready for a relationship", she might be referencing a recent break-up, or unwanted attention she is receiving from another guy. July 18, 2019. I thought about asking him out until I found a red flag. Do I try and go back to our old conversations and try to help her mind not dwell on what's going on? Or so you thought. "I want to clarify before we get ahead of ourselves I absolutely am not going tocmake commitments and I am polyamorous so I likely will be dating others in time and never plan to close to just one person.". attracted and turned on, in addition to treating her nicely). This car was not cheap neither was the paint color. after the second date they’re saying things like “we’re so cute together/ oh we’re both 98% goofball, a perfect match” and at this point i’m like ok i 100% need to tell them i’m only interested in a polyamorous relationship. I guess my question is, what now? This is not the interested as love or as a result of love. I've really grown fond of A, and I don't want her to just fade away from my life. This confounds me. A woman who’s interested in you has two options to let you know she’s interested; she will either pursue you (less likely) or make it easier for you to pursue her, depending … Nobody is that busy and when someone is genuinely interested they find the time. Even though a few minutes earlier she told Guy#1, “I’m not looking for a relationship,” she had trouble saying “Yes!” to a date with Guy #2, or even kissing him and having sex with him on the first night or first date. If I'm talking to you already, then by the very definition of lonely, I am not. When you date someone long enough, there comes a time when things move forward and long-term options need to be discussed. /r/Relationships is a community built around helping people and the goal of providing a platform for interpersonal relationship advice between redditors. A hallmark sign that someone might not be as interested in the relationship as you are is if they choose not to bring up the future at all. After weeks of talking nonstop and gaming deep into the night, A asked me out on a date near the end of December. I have zero interest in monogamy this year or the next but I’m not sure yet what my long term life plan. Of course, I accepted, but A wouldn't be able to until after the new year, as she would be out of town for the week of Christmas/New Years to see family. Using a throwaway because this person knows I'm a frequent reddit user. How to create interest and more. I suspect it will always include multiple partners though. She's usually not one to instigate conversations, and I haven't heard from her last night. If you don't do that, you should tell them within the first sentence or two of chatting, but really, you should have it on your profile. That getting involved in a very serious relationship of any kind would take a lot of time on your part, and you're not sure if you're able to offer that. A informed me that there was an unexpected death in her immediate family on Sunday, and that she's been doing her best to support everyone. i’m new to this, i got out of a long term relationship end … Because you look out for a future date but then realise you're one of a kind and are maybe therefore socially awkward. Honestly, if it weren't for being forced to work from home for months on end, I'd probably still be apathetic toward dating. #8 Marriage is not something they ever want. Not angry, but just so sad seeing his baby have a 4 inch scratch on the front. Usually our subconscious will help us figure out what we should be focusing on the most. They are controlling, manipulative, jealous and possessive. It's … Surprisingly enough, I've had a rather easy time matching with and meeting quite a few women. Looks like you're using new Reddit on an old browser. 1. i thought maybe it would be fine to not tell them right away because it’s kinda personal? This is not the same as love or as a result of love. Sex becomes a thing you do to put food on the table and buy some drugs. We hit it off almost immediately after matching, and we have a truly shocking amount of things in common. TL;DR: After a few years of being single and focusing on myself, I met a girl on an app a few months back, and I really like her. Many people aren’t interested in dating because they don’t want to get married or have a long-term partner. but now i see that we’re crushing kinda hard and that’s not fair. Being poly is personal in the way that your sexual orientation is personal, like your coworkers or neighbors have no reason to be told if your gay or straight or bi, but the person you're looking to date should know as it's very relavent to what your intentions are with them, same with poly. I am assuming for the purposes of this answer that you mean a romantic relationship. Aside from sharing most hobbies and interests, we have similarly depressing dating histories and hectic schedules due to work and family, so we agreed to take things slowly. I'm not saying monogamy is impossible, or improbable. But, being honest that you're not interested in an exclusive relationship now. I was overthinking things, as I often do, and finally just texted her last night asking her if she was okay. I’m sure at first it felt like a little compromise, ’cause relationships do involve a lot of sacrifice and compromise in order to work. At least they can’t say I’ve never been honest. I’m not interested in the sex side of things and my body doesn’t respond, yet my mind says “yes” to being attracted to him on every other level. Truth hurts, but lies hurt more. This ended up being longer than I anticipated, but I appreciate anyone who's willing to read the whole thing. 7 Subtle Signs She’s Interested In You . It should be in your profiles and explicit reviewed before a first date. Monogamy is not the same thing as commitment. That was the last I heard from A that day, and I decided to give her some space for a few days. I'm (26/M) not sure how to proceed with a girl I'm recently interested in (25/F) after a tragedy in her family. Acting like a relationship is casual, for me at least, means having a date about once a month, only texting to make plans for the next date and keeping other conversation limited. Because they deserve to have informed consent, and they might only feel comfortable in monogamous, exclusive relationships. Recently, to start more discussion on the topic, a Reddit user asked people to share how things panned out when they still loved their significant other, but had stopped being attracted to them . Because you might be asexual and not attracted sexually to anyone. I just wanted to feel a genuine connection with a girl again. 4 Signs Someone's Not Interested In A Relationship With You, So Fall Back. Polyamory is openly, honestly, and consensually loving and being committed to more than one person. What he needs to feel. In the fall of 2018, I went through a really rough breakup with a girl I had been seeing for a few years, and that basically lead me to give up on trying to find someone. Mistake number two in saying that he was "cool to talk to!" This subreddit discusses news, views, and issues around polyamory, polyfidelity, poly people, and related issues. I’m currently scared as he’d be devastated if anything happened to that car. There are bumps and detours we must navigate, but we have to do it together. Tell them you fully respect them if that's what they are after, but you want to be upfront and transparent. She hasn't even come home yet, and probably won't for some time. Please Reddit I’m begging for some advice, I’m scared shitless for both him and the repair bill. There's certainly nothing wrong with that, but if you do eventually want a relationship, it would more likely be successful if you find a partner who has a very similar libido level. Although we're not quite to that point yet, I want to share how I survived (and am still surviving) a long-distance relationship during the COVID … I genuinely want to help her if I can, but what's the best way of going about it? It doesn't mean that someone who enjoys casual sex can't also be interested in a committed relationship, but if you enjoy casual sex more than being with the same person for a … She was grateful and was even willing to catch up on a bit of small talk. All the same, there is an undeniable stigma around people who are in a relationship but might not be into sex, which means that people aren't talking about it as much as they could be. Spending the date mostly focused on kink or sex and not doing more romantic/bonding activities, and definitely no overnights and not meeting their friends or family. He’s physically attracted to you but not showing any real interest in a committed relationship or even a casual dating experience. These are not signs that they’re actually interested in you – these are signs that they want to control you. Even my marriage was non-exclusive. Thankfully, I got a new job in January 2019 so I was able to throw myself into my work. I don’t want to be in a relationship because my family and society thinks “it’s about that time to settle down.” I don’t want to be in a relationship because I’m … I'm used to being the emotional support for friends and family so I know how it goes. Personally, I have a very positive view of some of these people – the ones who have no romantic relationship experience because they just aren’t interested. I’m currently scared as he’d be devastated if anything happened to that car. Maybe they are asexual , maybe not. We texted as usual, but I could tell something was bothering her. Being a sex worker is not a pretty business, even without being a streetwalker a person can still get roughened up if not outright beaten once or twice not to mention the rape part if you're not careful and I'm not without some scars from my previous profession either. I want to be in a relationship because I’m 100% okay alone, but being with you is more pleasurable than being alone. I’ve got all kinda of feed back due to my bluntness . What makes a man interested in a woman. I’m the “avoidant type” (number 3 below). You're not completely asexual, but sound very low libido. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. We seek posts from users who have specific and personal relationship quandaries that other redditors can help them try to solve. “ Not interested in relationships ” was mentioned more often than poor flirting skills, more often than shyness, and more often than bad experiences from … It is her relationship too. Please Reddit I’m begging for some advice, I’m scared shitless for both him and the repair bill. By Ginny Hogan. The thing is, you can date and not have to be tied to someone forever. I’m not the prettiest girl for sure, but I’m also not ugly, I’ve modeled as I was younger and even if I probably was chosen for my “weird” looks, I wouldn’t say I’m under the average (I keep getting said I look a lot like Troian Belisario). If you’re not sure at all say that. Not angry, but just so sad seeing his baby have a 4 inch scratch on the front. Guy#2 made her feel the way she wants to feel when she’s with a man (i.e. Months go by and my interest peaks. This car was not cheap neither was the paint color. i just want to keep having fun and get to know you better and do the things we’ve been doing.”. A person who behaves in this way isn’t the type to have a balanced, respectful relationship, and may not even really want you but won’t want anyone else to have you either. Just wanted to say that not wanting committment is not the same as not wanting exclusivity. i didn’t really expect it. plenty of people look for serious relationships on there, i don’t think that’s a fair reason. Peter is not known for his reasonable handling of situations that do not go his way and I fully expect him to either (A) Turn up with Freya on the day even if I say not to (B) Demand Freya is invited or say he won't come or (C) Turn up without Freya and cause a scene with Tina. And it’s not always easy. It doesn't sound like you want a poly relationship, it sounds like you want zero commitment. How attraction happens for a guy and how it’s different from being interested in you. “(Person’s name), i’m having such a great time with you and i just want to communicate with you that i’m not looking for a committed relationship right now. I am committed, as a polyamorous person, to multiple people. Nice.. I’m glad to c u telling ppl to jus b honest. I let her know that I'm here for her, and she's grateful, but I'm not sure if I should resume talking to her normally or give her some space. I know lots of people who have very successful monogamous relationships and are really happy together. We hadn't set a hard date yet, but we were shooting for some time within the first week or so of January. Well, I just want to point out, that commitment and exclusivity are different. No, this is not not kinda personal - your relationship preference is her business from the beginning of your relationship. It sounds like you're into the spark you found and would want to explore it more. But if what you're saying is you also want to keep this relationship casual, you should tell them that, and also act like it. But after getting a taste of how empty I felt by myself, and seeing how fulfilled and happy my close friends are in their relationships, I decided to download some apps and finally put myself back out there. Or should I try and give her some space? Well, on a recent Reddit thread, guys discussed what they really mean when they say they're " not ready for a relationship." The site may not work properly if you don't, If you do not update your browser, we suggest you visit, Press J to jump to the feed. Let's be honest: Dating can be really tough. I've always found it hard to connect with people, due to being somewhat of an oddball, but I wasn't in a huge rush to meet someone I could see myself with long term. They might choose to walk away, and that's their right, it just means your wants and needs are incompatible. I kept that mindset for all of 2019 and most of 2020, but with the pandemic and lockdown doing a number on my mental health, I ended up extremely depressed and lonely after months of isolation. Just saying, I’m not ready for a relationship, so you and I, meaning you when the person I’m interested in, we’re not going to be in a relationship, but we’re going to be in this thing where we’re dating and we’re spending time with each other and our feelings are growing, but we’re not deepening our commitment in any way, even though ultimately I do want to commit with someone. (If you’re interested in self-improvement, check out the free salon I put together: The hidden trap of “improving yourself”, and what to do instead) 4 types of people in relationships, according to “attachment theory” i’m a romantic, so i like to slow dance and play songs for them. i’m new to this, i got out of a long term relationship end of last year. i also don’t want it to sound like a “it’s not you it’s me” situation?? Sometimes it isn’t the right time for a relationship. so what i’m asking is, how do you even say something like that? Tell them clearly which one it is the very next time you see them. I know what I want and unfortunately, I know he wouldn’t be suitable for me. A was understandably exhausted and we didn't talk long, but she told me that she appreciated my being there before going to sleep. You need to mention both. Your 'me time' becomes showering and going to the toilet with the door closed if you're lucky! Be honest with them too if exclusivity is something you're never going to be interested in. I won’t disclose what the red flag was in sake of his privacy but ultimately, it killed my interest in him. But a … I knew he wanted to try to "talk" and date me, so after a day I said "I'm not interested in dating but you're cool to talk to!" I've engaged him in a one line conversation. Be clear on whether you’re looking for dating around or actual poly. I've honestly grown very cynical towards relationships in general, even though I once considered myself a romantic. I gave A my condolences and let her know that I will be there for her if she needs anything. I’m the problem. after the second date they’re saying things like “we’re so cute together/ oh we’re both 98% goofball, a perfect match” and at this point i’m like ok i 100% need to tell them i’m only interested in a polyamorous relationship. And I keep meeting new people online and having other dates, so I have a date each week but with a different person than last week. It takes them weeks or even months to call you up after a reddit or taking your someone. None of them really caught my interest, though. i thought maybe it would be fine to not tell them right away because it’s kinda personal? Yes, as soon as women over 22 starting joining Tinder, it ceased to be solely a hookup app. Pls help. So i’ve been on TWO dates with this person and we clicked like craaazy. Because “i’m poly” is on a level with “I work in construction” or “I just moved to the city!” levels of getting-to-know-someone. You may not have those feelings because it's not in your makeup to do so, except perhaps with a very few people who "fit" especially well. I planned a brunch and afternoon walk in a city park, thinking it would be a perfect first date. To put it mildly, I have a long, sad, history when it comes to dating. Getting a girl to like you when she appears to have no interest in relationships is difficult, but not always impossible. You can have a fully intimate intense serious relationship while being non-exclusive. is zero commitment... a bad thing? They treat you without love, care, trust, but respect. Healthy relationships rely on balance, honesty, and communication to work. When someone’s behaviour starts to gradually change, it might mean that they are no longer interested in you, or the relationship. 30. I still have yet to meet A in person. Thanks, again, for any help. i’ve never been happier, so this is something i definitely want to do for myself. Also being poly isn’t the same thing as not looking for commitment. Over the last decade, I've been cheated on and ghosted more times than I can count. In relationships, I’m not someone to put up with crap. And I now know what to do to live a better life. Say: “I’m not interested in being exclusive” then explain why. She has the right to know what she is getting herself into and be given an informed choice. But, after an unexpected death in her family, she's been distant. Are you trying to date people, or are you only seeking super casual sex? i’m really into this person and i want us to get to know each other even more, i just don’t want to hurt their feelings. She’ll “Choose You” to Approach Her. I didn't mean that to say he should text me everyday. ok thanks for the insight.